so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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