My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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