I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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