The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
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I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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