Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
