4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
