I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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