I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
