the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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