Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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