I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
