someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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