The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
