sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
