but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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