I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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