guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
