My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
