I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
