Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
