WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
