forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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