don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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