Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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