his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
