i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
