if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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