If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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