i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
