hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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