weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
