you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
then he tried to convert me to islam
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
