oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
