Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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