it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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