I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
