its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
