Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
