are you still at the devil's house?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
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we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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