I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
