I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
