So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
