I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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