farters have to be the big spoon...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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