it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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