I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
