it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
