Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
