I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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