I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
