I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
