I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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