Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
