I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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