i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just invented taco cereal.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
