i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
