All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
