I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
