I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
