i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
