I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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