Is it normal to miss your booty call?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
