My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
