Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
