dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
