I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
