I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Your dad touched me again.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
